“And it hurts me to say, that I might have to one day. Pick up the pieces of my heart & go my own way.”

Every year I try to put something on social media to memorialize my brother David, who died 20 years ago this month. This year I am publishing my memorial with a message. I lost my brother to suicide. That pain never leaves you; you just learn to live it. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression please reach out to someone for help. The National Suicide Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 800-273-8255.

Dear David,

I wish that you were here in person to see how our families have changed, to see our children, our grandchildren. I see in the faces of my sons and daughter, but also my granddaughter. I looked in Nahla’s face the other day and you were there. You show yourself often. In these moments, I know you are here. Love Tara.

Dear Son,

Your passing left a void in my heart that has been impossible to fill. While the gut-wrenching subsides over time, the sadness of you not being, here never leaves. Missing you is just part of everyday life.

But with the passing of time, I’m also able to think of you now with a smile. Your mischievous grin when you were up to something. Hearing an AC/DC or CCR song on the radio. Remembering how much you loved Doritos and picante sauce.

Even though your struggles, the kindness in your heart always shown though, you were a loving father, brother and son. I cherish my memories of you and know we will meet again.

Love Mom.

It’s been a long, long road

We rode together

I thought time would make

Me feel better

But the memories still

Remain buried in my dreams

They fill my mind with clouds

Nothing read or as it seems

The full moon shining the

Foaming ebbing ride

I wait until the times comes

And I can

See you on the other side

Rob

Published on January 20, 2021